“There are shallow rollers, and there are deep rollers. You can’t breed two deep rollers… or their young, their offspring, will roll all the way down… hit and die. Agent Starling is a deep roller. Let us hope one of her parents was not.” Quote from Hannibal
Work of deep psychology requires us to roll. There are shallow rollers and there are deep rollers. We need to teach the young how to roll deep without crashing.
I used to roll deep. I guess one of my parents wasn’t a deep roller. I survived. I don’t deep-roll anymore.
I believed that I should roll deep, that I should risk crashing and dying, and that the psychological work should be painful.
I suspect that I was addicted to the sense of elation after the deep roll. From the bottom of self-hatred, we soar to the high of “I am different because I roll deep.”
After all it was millions of rolling without crashing that saved me.
Psychological work is just like athletic training. You need to train your mind’s muscles to roll deep. I hope you find a good trainer/coach/therapist, who could teach you how to roll without crashing.