For the most of my life I tried to fit the expectations of others. For the most of my life I tried to make others fit my expectations. My Teacher said, “Remember, not all people operate in the same way you do. ” It has freed me from the misery endless expectations create. I can’t change how you respond. But I can let you know how I am affected by your response. The rest is up to you.


This is how I am. Deal with it. Or if not, leave me where you found me, and walk away.

This is how you are. I deal with it. Or if not, I’ll leave you where I found you, and walk away.

It’s not your fault.

It’s not my fault.

It’s just that this is how I am.

And this is how you are.

That’s how we all should be.

And some of us still keep on feeling our way for a sliver of connection in the treacherous territory between how I am and how you are.

What is Your Expectations?

A conversation between Alex and Billie.  They are friends.  Alex is in relationship with Cameron, and has been complaining about the relationship.

Billie:  Alex, what do you expect from a relationship?

Alex: Well, I want to spend time together with my partner.  You know, I like to travel, go to theatre, and such.

Billie:  Suppose you and I are a couple.

Alex: OK

Billie: We go out to have dinner and we come back to my place.  We do whatever the thing a couple does.  I know you like to stay over and wake up to find your partner sleeping next to you in the morning, have breakfast together…

Alex: Yes

Billie: You know me well enough that I want the other to leave after whatever business a couple does is over.  I don’t like anybody sleeping next to me except my dog.

Alex: I know.

Billie: However,  since I love you, I let you stay overnight…  I want you to be happy,

Alex: …

Billie: But I hate it.  I get cranky.  As the day goes, I get crankier and crankier.   And then you will hate me.

Alex: …

Billie: It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, but it’s not what want from the relationship.  I like to spend most of time alone.

Alex: I understand…

Billie:  If I were young, I might try to compromise… I might change…  But I’m not 20.  After 20 fucking years of therapy, I won’t change.  This is how I am.   Take it or leave it.    Don’t take it personal.  It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.

Alex:  We are not compatible.

Billie: Yep.

Alex: I got it.  Cameron and I are not compatible.  It doesn’t mean Cameron doesn’t love me.

Billie: Yep.  Cameron loves you in thier own way, and it’s not what you expect it to be.  Cameron doesn’t even understand it.  So if you don’t want to change how you are and Cameron doesn’t want to change either, you are not compatible as a couple.

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